Val's Black 2 nuz page 1

to start with, i must comment on the how clearly distinctive your art style is, it is defiantly unique ^^ you shade and highlight the hair nicely and your anatomy has defiantly improved. the other thing i really do like here are the expressions of the characters, their faces are well drawn and clearly show how they are feeling (which is important).

now on to what could be done better, ok so the main thing is that this is all pencil, now if this is simply an outline or a concept that is just fine but if you mean for this to be an official page it would help to go over it in pen. the darker lines would make it much easier to see and also if you go over the text and edit it online, replacing your writing with typing that would take care of any misspelled words as you would have a chance to check them and it would also make 100% sure that the reader would read it correctly, just in case they can't completely understand your writing. the sides to the panels are a little uneven so using a ruler to make the lines straight would give it a much more professional look.

great now that we are done with the technical stuff, on to the story. so i take it this is an intro, in which case this story-line is completely appropriate. it moves pretty fast but if you plan on continuing this, i mean if this is more than a one-shot, then you will probably slow it down anyway. it's a pretty cute and well planned story, very nice for an intro, also if you numbered the panels or put a "read this way" arrow just to make sure the reader sees the panels in the right direction that would be beneficial and, like i said, help the reader.

overall nice job~ i like the character designs so if you continue this i shall be reading it X3